Steve’s Views Rotating Header Image

care

How Fear and Force Undermine Each Other

The physical universe is based on force. There’s gravity pulling you down with force. There’s matter telling you how you better get out of its way or get hurt. There’s wind trying to push you over, earthquakes tossing you around. There’s the stronger guy in school not getting beaten up because he’s the strongest. Guns, batons are all saying use me and win! Over and over we are reminded how force rules the day.

Or does it?

The physical universe has no intelligence. Does not care nor is aware of who’s affected and is merely held together by a design which is based on the attraction matter has towards itself.

Man has actually conquered the physical universe to a very large extent. The bully is conquered by a combination of intelligence and force. Earthquakes of the same – our buildings are designed to bend a bit and hold together. We have a group of people that keep an eye out for strong winds and issues warnings. We have planes that fly into the eye of the storm to see how it is made up to keep us abreast of what might be coming our way. We walk upright and do the most amazing motions in spite of gravity. The bully is simply insecure and is trying to shift attention away from himself and onto the impression that he should not be messed with, or questioned, which may reveal his insecurity.

Smart use of force between people is to only use it to the extent it is needed to get someones attention, then it serves no further positive value.

A child who has eaten a lot of sugar may not respond when you try to stop him from running on the walls breaking all in his way and may need to be physically stopped before you can get his attention. But once you got it you better back off, or you are simply telling him how you are bigger and stronger, which will not earn his respect, as you would just have become a bully in his eyes. That would teach him that force wins the day, and the cycle starts over.

To get out of the vicious circle we need to set a good example. Society is constantly showing itself by example how it needs to live in order to survive.

Fear is usually based on not being able to face the unknown, and will usually result in being afraid of something that does not exist. The fear itself will help create the condition of that which one is afraid of. Fear results in no inspection and less communication. And when man goes out of communication with man fear comes in to warn you of the threat of the unknown. If you were looking for a vicious circle look no further!

One of the most simple things ways of solving problems, by the way, is to look. For example, I had a air conditioner that stopped cooling. My immediate thought was it had run out of coolant. Now I was facing calling an a/c guy to come out and fix it. But before I got to the phone I thought I should look and see if there was anything obvious I could see. I opened the outside box and looked inside. It had a couple of relays and other components. Triggering the a/c to start I noticed how one relay did not appear to fully close. Using a voltmeter I could see that it was indeed not closing. A quick visit to a store and $10 later I had a new relay and the a/c was working again. It took maybe 15 minutes of my time to discover what was wrong. OK, so I understand electricity, but that just tells me that what you don’t know you can be in effect of. In other words education is quite valuable as a general tool. And if you live life willing to look and learn you can handle more of life.

All I had to do was to be willing to look and see what I may see. In my mind I had drawn up a wait for a technician to come out and certainly a bigger cost to get it operational. You see how easy it resolved once I looked?

This is not a unique example, simply how it gave a live example of the value of looking. Take the child afraid of what may be lurking under the bed! Once you gather enough to look, and maybe a flash light or two, you can establish that there’s nothing there and you can rest.

Here’s another example of force. Have you ever held a child on your lap. When you do he or she, will squirm and try to get down. While it will be perfectly content simply sitting there if it can leave on it’s own self determinism.

That tells you something else of value. In dealing with humans, things work easier if they can have their own self determinism. Your only issue is getting compliance in some situations where some control of the environment is needed.

Most people then will respond well if allowed to execute self determinism, and are not controlled by force anymore than is needed and a bit of good positive communication.

Good communication is dependent on the ability to communicate which in turn require you to be there and be able to look and observe others and how things change. If you act with certainty and respect you can get almost anything you need from others. Most people are very willing to help. It is a basic trait of man, his willingness to help.

If you bypass his willingness then you are probably using force and not so much respect. A real authority is a person who can control the environment or the subject at hand. An apparent authority is someone who is taken at face value without inspection. Looking was missing to allow the observation of the person’s ability and knowledge of the subject or situation.

Man is actually a simple animal who’s sometime trying to be complex to appear more valuable than what he or she thinks of themselves.

OK, so we learn that treating others how we ourselves wish to be treated is a way to happiness. This is indeed needed by society at large to function well.

In a military situation the use of overwhelming force is a good practice which saves lives. However it is not a good tool to build a society for mankind.

When protecting people it becomes vital to have an understanding of man based on observation of proper application of force and respect, which with it needs a healthy dose of compassion. It does also require a bit of courage to look and deal with what is going on.

A man held down by overwhelming debt, maybe an equally upset wife from her goals being squashed and neither being able to look and discover what is behind their problems, might get disillusioned enough that he momentarily gives up. Which could manifest itself in loud and disturbing actions. Possibly with the show of force to counter the pressure he feels.

To calm down and stop the destruction such a person may demonstrate does not require more use of force as is so commonly done. Simply a proper acknowledgment usually does the job.

So what is a proper acknowledgment?

It is that which shows the person that he or she have been heard and have been duplicated. In other words the person feels he or she is understood. Once understood the person feels there is someone else who shares the burden. That can be a very big relief and should not be underestimated. In fact you can entirely disarm someone with a proper acknowledgment. I’ve single handedly, purely with a few words, handled a really large man that a number of bouncers could not handle. All I had to say was that he’s really large and the others are acting the way they are because they are afraid of him. He instantly stopped and got in good verbal (vs physical) communication with me.

You know force is not simply physical actions. Your voice can also demonstrate and at least threaten physical force. It depends on your ability to demonstrate intention in any one direction. You can enter a room full of with violent action and simply give a simple command with a strong intention and stop everyone in their step.

In fact you merely showing up with a calm presence and being there able to look and duplicate what is going on can stop violence. It looks like magic of some sort. But it is simply being a larger presence than the confusion. Being the stable datum that everything else can align itself with. You cannot be sucked into the confusion and have to be able to hold your position.

You hold a position with certainty and competence. Your competence will come from, you guessed it, being able to be there looking and observing. Knowing what you are doing and having demonstrated enough competence in the past. In turn that will give you certainty. Which comes right back giving you more ability to hold that position stably in spite of the tumbling confusion.

A confusion is only a confusion until a position, or viewpoint, can be held and be used to sort out the random particles in it.

That position is your certainty of self and the situation. If good enough would cover any situation.

The subject here is how fear and force undermine each other.

Fear undermines you and your ability to handle force. You will not look and observe what is going on. For example a fighter depends on being able to be there and look at the motion of others bodies and any particles involved, and take split second steps to handle them when they become a threat, or even before they can become a threat if you are good.

Fear depends on uncertainty and not looking or understanding, the present situation. It will feed on itself and if not handled ruin your day.

Force also depends on uncertainty and not looking or understanding the present situation. It too will feed on itself.

Compassion and love of your fellow man is actually your foundation that will make life a lot easier and return a lot of value to your life, and others in your environment. It too feeds on itself. Compassion breeds compassion. Care is part of that.

Indeed it looks like you will get what you put your attention on.

If all you look for is motion and your general attention is on finding and stopping motion before it moves too fast you will end up a miserable problem yourself.

Police and security people are at risk of falling into that trap. The way to stay well is to look at everything going on. Society has far more positive things going on than negative. When you see an upset or disorderly person don’t insist on immediately stopping him or her. Be willing to let the person be upset. Be willing to understand that person so that you can properly acknowledge them.

If you have enough care for your fellow man it will show. It will allow you to approach each person as a person with respect, which will make a positive impact, even if it is not immediately obvious. There might be more upset that you need to discharge. Simply be a safe terminal for the person to share his or her upset with. Presenting force does not make you a safe person. It simply adds more force, or promise of force which will simply escalate things.

True, you can scare people with enough force that they cave in and are subdued. But it is not a good general way of operating, again only use force until you get their attention.

So what do you do if you cannot get their attention?

You may need to have a good balanced use of enough force that you can control the person until such time that you can reach them. I’m thinking of drugs and maybe earlier show of force that made them hide so deep that you cannot easily reach them.

When a person is armed with deadly force it easily becomes a huge liability to society, unless that person is balanced enough and able to be there and communicate verbally and only use enough force to handle the situation. The first action cannot be an automatic draw and fire. If a person is afraid of other people and cannot be in their shoes and have care and compassion for them they are not suitable to keep us secure. They will end up being a bigger threat and undermine the people they are suppose to support and help.

If someone is upset they usually have a reason. Caring enough to hear and trying to understand them will make them hold you high long after you have left.

Let’s talk about criminals.

A child will as soon as they can try to contribute to the family. By not allowing them to contribute you will end up fostering criminal behavior. I believe man needs to be able to contribute to feel good and be happy. When a man cannot contribute he thinks himself not very valuable. If not valuable and you cannot make a positive impact then it does not matter what you do.

Add some experiences where some of those impacts will be actions against the common good of society. Robbing someone, for example. If they succeed then they have learned they can be good at something. It may be the only option they feel they have since they cannot or are not allowed to hold a job and have some common decent respect of self and others.

That child which is not allowed to help with dishes is being taught their contributions are not wanted. They are completely the effect of the much bigger bodies around them and can only try to upset you to get even. Bed wetting, breaking things, screaming are all indicators of having disagreements. You could ask yourself if some broken dishes are more valuable than the child?

For that matter give them some plastic ones to clean. Maybe their own plates.

A gang member is a person who does not believe themselves able to contribute to society. A criminal is a person who have lost their self respect.

The way to turn both around is to allow them to get some respect back to learn they can contribute to our society and they will happily do so.

But it will require care and compassion to get there as the road may not be an easy one to walk down. It will also require a healthy dose of courage and belief in your fellow man. But it will ultimately be more rewarding than the other option.

I for one think a society based on care and compassion would be more pleasant than one based on fear and force. What do you think?